CM9798 Retirement Home – Part 37: Lottery

Welcome back! The end of season 12 is nigh, with 16 league games to go we sit 13th – which sounds bad, but when you consider it is one win from the playoffs, the picture all of a sudden seems clearer. Can we force our way into the end of season lottery that is the playoffs? I think we should find out.

Div 1 Jan S12

Continue reading

CM9798 Retirement Home – Part 36: Cold Snap

Greetings and welcome back to the Retirement Home. In a rare turn up, we aren’t in a relegation scrap at this point of the season. The league table makes you realise we’re up against teams who have conceded three times fewer goals than we have. Let’s see if we can look up rather than down.

Table Oct S12

Continue reading

CM9798 Retirement Home – Part 33: 46 is the new 30

Welcome back! The Retirement Home made a triumphant return last week, which lasted about 3 games before we fell into our old ways. In my defence, which is the worst in the league, our only mobile goalkeeper got injured and the pair of geriatrics who stood in for him couldn’t catch a cold. The table makes grim reading. Only 12 for and a massive 31 against. At least we’re not in the bottom 3.

League table Oct S11

Continue reading

CM9798 Retirement Home – Part 32: Back in the habit

Welcome back! It’s been about 4 months since our last visit to the Retirement Home but as you’ll know if you’ve been following on Twitter, it’s been a summer of recruitment and rebuilding as we look to fight back from the Premier League relegation. We’ve got an immediate advantage compared to last season as only one player hangs up their boots and even then, he was about to lose his work permit. Good day to you sir. Let’s see who we can bring in…

Songoo retires

Continue reading

CM9798 Retirement Home – Part 31: Get me Steve McQueen

Hello! Welcome back to the Retirement Home, where we have enjoyed 5 months as a Premier League club but the trap door back to Division 1 is wide open. With 1 win in 23, it’s hard to make an argument for these old lads finding a way out of this one but it would normally be about this time Mick Quinn would roll back the years but with him long since retired, who will be my Micker now?

Prem bottom January

Continue reading

CM9798 Retirement Home – Part 30: You’ll never win again

Let’s go round agaaaainnn. Baby we’ll turn back the hands of tiiimmeee. Welcome to the Retirement Home, where we are in the 10th season of this borderline cruelty. The over 35s (and some slightly younger friends) are in the Premier League and it couldn’t be going any worse. No wins from the opening 12 league fixtures have left us right up against it.

prem bottom S10

Continue reading

CM9798 Retirement Home – Part 28: So long, farewell

Good day! The Retirement Home are on for their highest ever league finish but could it be more than that? A strong end to the season could mean an outside chance of the playoffs. Whilst I don’t want to contemplate these old bones in the Premier League, you can never say never in this game. Although my back three have a combined age of 114, so…

Table Top January S9

Continue reading