Viking Invaders – Part 1

KingOfTheRooks is back with a new series! It’s a little known fact that all of the Scandinavian teams are in the CM9798 database so Andrew has got his experimenting hat on. If you’ve ever wondered how Rosenborg would get on in the Premier League, you’re in for a treat…

Hello and welcome to the latest experiment, Viking Invaders!

Rosenborg BK won thirteen consecutive Norwegian titles from 1992 to 2004 and also qualified for the Champions’ League group stages on eight consecutive occasions between 1995-96 and 2002-03. In 1996-97 they reached the quarterfinals, bowing out to Juventus. The question is, how would a team of such dominance cope in the Premier League? Let us find out… (The unfortunate victims to this act of heresy are Southampton who have been demoted to non-league where they will join Rosenborg 2, our B team).

We’ll also look to bring in some of the keenest talent from across the North-Sea to bolster our assault on the Premier League.

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European Super League – Part 3

Andrew is here with the final instalment of the European Super League. Can he guide PSG up the table? You can also download the files for the Super League here. All you need to do is copy the three .db1 files into your CM9798 folder but remember to backup the current files from your CM9798 folder if you ever want to use them again. My thanks to Andrew for all his efforts in creating this for the blog!

Hello and welcome back to the UEFA Super League adventure! We left you last time having made a strong push at closing the gap to Man Utd following a formational tweak that saw us deliver four 5 goal results, only having fallen foul of Juventus and then returned a poor showing at Club Brugge to fall off the pace of the leaders again. With 11 games to go and a 6 point gap to the leaders, it isn’t unachievable.

Let’s take a look at the run in that we have over the next few months:

1

6 of the 11 remaining fixtures against top 10 opposition, 3 against other clubs in the top 5…that is going to be just the run in the TV companies had in mind! Despite being the biggest spenders in the league, we are running a tight ship and outside of the core players the ratings are woeful…

2

Patrice is going absolutely loko at the lack of game time, but I just can’t allow him to move on with the squad so small. Gava is still 8 months away from recovering from a knacked pelvis, he’s spending the whole time listening to Dire Straights I would imagine.

Rai-less for the derby with Monaco, his boy Leroy returns to the side. Silly silly Willy! Sagnol gets himself sent off for a deliberate handball, Henry gives us a scare, but we do the job and win the money bags derby.

3

That said, the space cowboy has had one too many bookings and will miss a game of the run in after hitting 22 disciplinary points. Hopefully it’s not Man Utd on the 4th April! The gap remains 6 points.

After dominating the opening period in Portugal, Revault has an absolute madness and gets himself sent off. 4-1 down we come back to 4-3 and after 20+ shots, should have had a point. Now Revault and his boy Leroy will miss the Utd game (who extend their lead to 9 points with 9 games to go…

4

A 89th minute equaliser as Leverkusen pepper our back-up stopper at the death see’s us drop more points. Utd are cruising 11 points ahead of us and they are our next opponents. Denzil’s two goals might seem good, but it’s a poor return from his 10 shots on goal…

5

Despite pushing Utd all the way with key players missing, money is no match for 4-4-2.

6

We are playing for our top 5 lives now, as we appear to have well and truly lost our spark. MIND THE GAP.

7

We belt Bayern 4-1 in Germany, Denzil gets a hattrick. We’re back on fire, but it’s a case of too little too late. With 6 to go Barca and Juve are chasing a determined Utd down but it might just be too much to make up. That resolute Utd defence continues to be their best area even in Super League land.

8

We have our say in the title race (over to you…ve…) and then crash and burn with the lethargy of a bunch of millionaires who have nothing to play for against PSV.

9

It really doesn’t matter as we sweep aside a Celtic team with Van Nistlerooy and Larsson up top. The race at the top hots up without us.

10

No biology jokes this time. A fairly lacklustre win as we hold off a late onslaught to squeeze home 2-1. Elsewhere Juve top on goal difference, Utd with a game in hand, Barca clinging onto an outside hope.

11

Man Utd take their break from the league in their stride as their rigid belief in 4-4-2 wins them the UEFA Cup. Meanwhile in the UEFA Super League, its all change as Barcelona go top (for now).

12

A pointless victory against Sporting sees us all but wrap up 4th place. Meanwhile the title race is thrown into Utd’s hands as Barca play their last game and Juve give it up to second bottom Brugge.

13

Barcelona need penalties to beat plucky Middlesbrough in the Cup Winners Cup

14

And the only thing now standing between Man Utd and UEFA Super League glory is Gordan Durie and the Blockheads at Old Trafford on the last day of the season. A nail biting finish down to the final day, Barca could win the league without kicking a ball.

15

We close the season with a draw at the money bags Newcastle Utd. However, in an absolute shock, Gordon and the Blockheads defeat Man Utd 1-0 at Old Trafford and Barcelona lift the inaugural UEFA Super League title without a kick! They also destroy Juventus 5-0 in the UEFA Super League League Cup. A treble for Barca.

16

In typically for PSG, we’ve ended up well off the pace, having had an end of season collapse as some players imploded, and Maurice the space cowboy lost his pistol like accuracy and it got all too much for the pampered expensive squad.

Okay, so, lets take a look at the final UEFA Super League tables;

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Club Brugge’s shock victory over Juventus keeps them in the top tier at the expense of Feyenoord, a brutal, brutal end to their stay in the top. Just as brutal as the twist at the other end. Meanwhile in UEFA Super League Two;

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A largely straight-forward affair for Ajax with Ronaldo out for a lot of the season, Inter couldn’t keep the pace. It’s goodbye to Vitesse and Aberdeen. Over in the Premier League Chelsea pull away from the pack and take the title, Spurs the perennial runners-up.

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La Liga you say? Let’s see;

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And in the secondary European competition, Chelsea romp home.

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Whilst we await the result of the World Cup, the financial safety of TV revenue has passed our exuberant spending by…

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A single goal from Omar Assad wins the World Cup for Argentina in an all South American affair. Denzil and Alfa Romario in tears.

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All that’s left now is the end of season awards. Denzil takes a well deserved bow:

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What an adventure…despite our own season coming to an unspectacular anti-climax in the back end of the season, what a rollercoaster it turned out to be for the fight for the title in what is quite possibly the most brutal league assembled. As the TV money rolled in, we overspent and underdelivered, only to be bailed out by our wealthy owners at the close of the season with a financial injection to erase our debts.

I did not want to enjoy this season as much as I have, but would I like to see it in real life? Absolutely not. That said, who knows what the future holds…I hope you have enjoyed following our journey.

25

UEFA Super League, over and out.

You can follow Andrew on Twitter @KingOfTheRooks

European Super League – Part 2

The notion of a Super League killing football is very real but you have to say, it makes things quite interesting in the entirely fictional world of CM9798. King Of the Rooks is back to continue the madness whilst managing PSG. Catch up with part 1 here.

Hello and welcome back to the UEFA Super League 1997 where we are trying to see if a well assembled PSG side can have better luck than their future money bags selves in a league that never happened. We left part one having made some reasonably smart signings (so I thought):

1

As far the transfer round up goes, Monaco signed Jamie Redknapp, Juventus signed Jordi Cruyff, Celtic signed Ruud van Nistelrooy, PSV signed Robert Pires and Newcastle signed…

2

For us, Muoio was an absolute gamble, that hasn’t paid off. We closed out October in 6th place, ten points behind the leaders Man Utd, no seems to be able to find a better answer than 4-4-2 it would seem.

We open our winter account by piling on the misery for table proper’s Celtic. The only annoyance is losing Ode and Dhorasoo to injuries inside 10 minutes.

3

England fail to qualify klaxon!!! No doubt Eileen saw it coming. Meanwhile Chelsea pay £9m for Richie Humphreys. The transfer market is going bonkers. Our boy Leroy Jetson helps us to another 5-goal haul but Man Utd maintain the 10 point gap…it is getting tasty.

4

Petry dishes out enough saves in the Feyenoord goal but under the microscope it was a poor performance from the Dutch as we as we secure another 5-goal haul on the bounce thanks to Denzil and the space cowboy.

We can’t capitalise on a rare slip up from Man Utd as they lose 3-1 to PSV. We can only manage to draw with Sporting despite 15 shots. The gap is down to 9 points. Outside of Man Utd it’s as tight as Mike Ashley on transfer deadline day:

6

At this stage, its probably worth sharing the modification we’ve made to the ultimate formation after the few defeats, we experienced:

7

The toon arrive in town and future Newcastle boy Domi breaks hearts whilst only a defiant Shaka Flip-Flop prevents another 5 goal haul.

8

Meanwhile as Big Ron says goodbye, total football arrives in South Yorkshire and the Premier League:

9

A Jamie Redknapp inspired Monaco knock us out of the UEFA Super League-League Cup after extra-time as the space cowboy gets his marching orders. This doesn’t bode well for our chances of chasing down Man Utd’s 7 point lead.

Back to the glory of the Sky Sports UEFA Super League and 11 minutes in a pretty Roche challenge sets us up for a difficult afternoon, but the Kaisers kuk their penalty up and we fight on.

10

The gap to Utd is down to 5 points.

11

We turn up at the Santiago Bernabeu without the inspirational space cowboy, Domi suspended and Roche suspended. Leroy goes off early but my oh my, that was the performance of the season…

12

The gap to Man United is down to just 3 points.

Next up we have a crunch game vs. 3rd placed Juventus who have matched us point for point, goal for goal so far and probably have the strongest squad in the league. After making the right start to the game, it all falls apart as Juve just take hold of the game. We’ll lose Revault now too which is terrible news.

13

Man Utd cling onto top spot, we scrape a last minute winner as Romario comes off the bench to assist Denzil.

14

Pffffhhhahahahahahahahaha

15

Gordon Durie and the Blockheads push us but money buys us a little bit of love despite being without our main man in the sticks.

16

We close out February with a poor performance, only managing a draw with 2nd bottom Club Brugge. An Awfuly showing with Rai getting injured. We are woefully out of form when considering the opposition for the last two games.

17

We’ve made some good ground over the mid-season, and despite Cruyff’s statement that he’s “never seen a bag of money score a goal” our summer signings sure have helped a good bit. Here’s how the Sky Bet UEFA Super League stands with the run-in coming up:

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Celtic have been rooted to the foot of the table all season, the bottom two are surely down. We’re 6 points behind Utd but it’s not an unassailable lead by any stretch. And now Super League Two:

19

Ajax currently pipping Ronaldo’s Inter and its not clear yet who will be relegated to the abyss of Super League Non-League.

Meanwhile over in the Premier League it remains as tight as Steve Bruce in a new suit…

20

Total football bringing Sheff Wed right back into it with a game in hand. Wide open. The new boys at Kidderminster continue to boss Division 3, thanks in no little part to signing Tomlinson.

21

And to wrap things up, over in Spain, Betis are in control.

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That’s all for now, but please do join us next time to see how the grande finale of the UEFA Super League turns out and whether we can change the fortunes of a poor old cash rich PSG, whether Derby County can win the Premier League, and whether Salguieros can become the most unlikely Champions League winners!

You can follow Andrew on Twitter @KingOfTheRooks

 

European Super League – Part 1

Making a welcome return as a guest blogger is KingoftheRooks! He’s spent his summer making a custom database for your reading pleasure – so here’s the European Super League. Over to Andrew to explain more…

Hello and welcome!

What is this fresh hell you ask? Well…you will no doubt be familiar with the on-going debate regards the creation of a European Super League to try and further delight to pockets of the TV operators and further leverage the debts of clubs, much of which has been played back by Der Spiegel. Back in 1997, the Champions League had finally returned to a format that allowed runners-up of key leagues to enter the competition.

To see what might have happened had Sky set their sights on European footballs elite competition rather than the Premier League, I set about creating a European Super League. How you ask? Using the UEFA club rankings over 95/96 & 96/97, and finishing position in home league, I have determined two tiers in which teams sit (sorry AC Milan, you’re non-league now).

Alas, meet the competitors of the newly formed UEFA Super League:

1

…and division 2:

Continue reading

Mission Impossible – Saving Barnsley: Part 3

Andrew is trying to pull off the unlikely scenario of Barnsley staying in the Premier League with the default squad. It’s going quite well but now we’re into the business end of the season. Can he do it? Catch up with part two here.

Ey-up and welcome back to part three of our mission impossible as I attempt to keep the bad boys of Barnsley in the promised land. Previously we cruised through summer and autumn in the top half, but a winter of discontent has seen us slide down to 13th place only 8 points above the drop zone with 14 games remaining. As positives go, we’re above Man Utd in the league and we’re still in the FA Cup (for now, pending a trip to Leeds). The average ratings tell you a pretty good story and a reason why I haven’t diverted from a core number of players, even for the cups, despite the imperative of staying up;

1

Markstedt has been a revelation at left wing back since being introduced despite his absolutely shocking ratings. Meanwhile Liddell has forced his way in with 8 assists so far.

Next up it’s Arsenal and I just can’t get my head around this signing, I’ve never seen anything so bizarre…Lee peaked at Scunthorpe and by 2002 his career was spiralling towards ten transfers across the next ten years…

2

The man from Leek Town just keeps on keeping on. We had several chances to bury the game in the last 4 minutes, but I’ll take that!!!

3

Another Yorkshire derby, another red card and a game thrown away. We had them under pressure until the sending off. Gutted, but at least that’s us focusing on staying up.

4

A chance for revenge goes missing. Must remember dirty Leeds are top, but the ref doesn’t help us. Kewell fouls Redfearn when through on goal…not even a yellow. Wallace commits a cynical foul on Markstedt and again no card and he’s off injured. Nigel gets MoM and that just says it all about our derby day luck!

5

We lose a vital relegation six-pointer against Southampton. We are nothing without Fjortoft as Hristov continues to fire blanks following his lack of competitive action…

6

Things go from bad to worse as we lose to 20th placed Bolton. Shooting boots have gone awol in the last two games.

7

He’s only De Goey’n and let us score a sack full as the floodgates open. As you can see from his 9th MoM award, it could have been a 5-6 loss but for Tony.

8

I am delighted, but Fjortoft gets a 5 and the stats tell the tale of the game. Lucky!

9

Tony, Tony Tony, Tony Tony, Tony Tony Bullock! The man from Leek Town gets his 10th MoM of the season to date and we climb up to 9th place in the table, and reach the elusive 40 pts marker with plenty of games to go.

10

Reality Check: At this stage of the season the real Barnsley had won 9, drawn 4 and lost 18, but were putting up a similar late fight to ourselves. They had conceded 69 and scored 31 and were sat in 18th place with a shot at survival possible. We’re 9 points and 9 places better off.

Elsewhere this save just keeps getting stranger…

11

And stranger…

12

And stranger…

13

And then there’s this…Man Utd sit 4pts from safety with Sir Alex having plumped for this striker from Partick Thistle in pre-season.

14

5 minutes of madness and the Dons go crazy.

15

We can’t repeat that famous night at Anfield with our two attacking midfielders out we had to resort to 4 strikers…so close.

16

We are fading fast and that see’s us drop to within 7pts of the trap door with 4 games left to play.

17

We’ll be without Hendrie, Sheridan, Martin Bullock, and Fjortoft for the next game. Down to the bare bones up top.

18

Whatever possessed Danny Wilson to sign Hristov…I’d like to know who the scout was for that one, a lot to answer for.

19

Twitchy bum time…we are below Man Utd for the first time this season.

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!

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With two games to spare, victory in a South Yorkshire derby and we’re safe!!! The fans storm the pitch and hold the captain aloft.

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You absolute beauties. Did not see that victory coming.

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We’re now fighting for 11th place, top of the bottom half.

Disappointing 79th minute.

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We tamely fizzle out with a whimper having secured our survival a few games ago.

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Our rag-tag bunch of, what can loosely be termed, footballers have survived against all the odds and all the history. Here is the final table;

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And at the top, Liverpool pip dirty Leeds to the title, justice!!!

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So we closed the season out with 11 more points than Danny Wilson’s Barnsley back in 1998 and we’ve kept that goals against down by 20 odd goals too! I am grateful to the following few who enter the fake Barnsley hall of fame;

Tony Bullock and his 11 MoM’s plus a host of other great games, was our best rated player.

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Fjortoft sure would have been handy from the start of the season in real life, he is no doubt the difference maker in my survival along with Tony.

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The man, the myth, the legend. Captain of the relegation favourites and living up to his real life hype he reached double figures.

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So there you have it. A Yorkshire vintage survival. I just can’t quite believe it. In 20+ years I’ve never seen them survive that season. I can attest to just how hard that was, and I think if I’d had a more punishing spell of injuries during the season I might have failed.

I hope you have enjoyed your stay in Barnsley, I’ll be back soon (hopefully) with another mildly interesting tedious tale to tell.

That’s T’goodbye from me.

My thanks to Andrew for a hugely enjoyable season. You can follow him on Twitter @KingOfTheRooks

Mission Impossible – Saving Barnsley: Part 2

Andrew took on mission impossible last week by taking over Barnsley in the Premier League. He pledged to sign no players and set about rewriting history. Will he be able to build on a promising start? Catch up with part one here.

Welcome back to deepest darkest Yorkshire where Premier League players rub shoulders with the public in kebab shops and piss on the floor instead of going to the bathroom. Previously we navigated the summer to find ourselves a top-half side in stark contrast to the fortunes of Danny Wilson’s Barnsley in late 1998. Despite this, any injuries to our key players and we are ruined as half our side couldn’t get a game in Division Two! The vultures continue to circle Moses, and despite his average rating being sky high and well within contract his value remains at just £2.2m.

Pretty much most things so far have been oddly unusual…including this…Man Utd in 13th; note worthy at this point for Utd, Leeds are top.

1

The Toon come to town, our lead lasts all of three minutes as we can’t hit a Barnsley lass’s arse with a banjo and Batty pokes a loose ball home (I know that whole sentence just doesn’t feel right).

2

The man from Leek Town with the peroxide blonde head, he say no…

3

It’s all up-hill(sborogh) against 19th placed Sheff Wed. Bullock is the dogs do-dahs but he can’t get us another point.

4

The fearsome roar of Oakwell is too much of Lie-chester and their kicker in the sticks.

5

I’ve tightened up the wing-backs to run a little less distance which has made a difference defensively, but we do feel a little less potent.

Reality Check: By the end of November the real Barnsley had won 4, drawn 1 and lost the rest sitting in 19th place having scored 14 and conceded 43. We’re (unbelievably) in 8th place having won 7 drawn 4 and lost 7 scoring 27 goals and conceding 24. However, 24 of our 27 goals have been scored by Redfearn and Fjortoft #reliant

6

The Coca-Cola cup was not what we needed it to be. Extra time, Redfearn injured, Bullock injured. We were cruising 2-0 until Leese came on and flapped at every shot he faced. Tall as trees my arse.

7

We have an absolute tinkler at Ewood Park with our South African international getting an early bath for a reckless challenge on Heskey when really all he had to do was blow in his direction to knock him over.

8

Finally got lucky in Barnsley after all…

9

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We could do with a result soon, its looking like history repeating with a poor December.

11

Nope…

Everything isn’t gay in the meadow for us, we scrape a 2-2 draw with Division Three Shrewsbury in the FA Cup. An unneeded replay on the 14th it is.

12

Geeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet up! A win-away! Timone and Pumba will be pleased.

We make it into the 4th round where we’ll face the might of Division Three Lincoln City, if this result is anything to go by it will be a massive challenge for my Tykes.

13

Normal service is resumed as we crumble to 20th place Palace.

14

Goals galore as we find out shooting boots for the cup. That said, we had 18 shots and 3 goals disallowed.

15

January is no olive branch…and comes to an end leaving us feeling as flat as pancakes. We just cannot find the onion bag at the minute.

16

Yes Jovo, you can count our shots on target…

17

Reality Check: At the end of January Danny Wilson’s boys were rock bottom in 20th place. We find ourselves in 13th place, having lost our top-half status and we’re now in negative goal difference territory. At least we are still above Man Utd!

18

Will the lads get their survival bonus chippy tea and ten pints? Can the multi-national dressing room avoid pissing each other off too much? And can I keep Redfearn and Fjortfoft fit?

See you back in Yorkshire soon, as we try our best to avoid being drawn back into a serious relegation dog-fight, although by name it’s a task we should be up for!

You can follow Andrew on Twitter @KingOfTheRooks

Mission Impossible – Saving Barnsley: Part 1

Andrew Chapman brings us a new series for the next few Thursdays. Trying to keep Barnsley in the Premier League is one of the toughest tasks in the game – doing it with their original squad must be nigh on impossible. Right? Here’s part one for your reading pleasure.

Welcome to a new adventure where I’ll try and achieve the unachievable, keeping a terrible Barnsley side in the Premier League. In real life Danny Wilson’s Barnsley spent almost the entire season in the bottom 3, conceding a 2nd worst ever 82 goals in a season (until 07/08 when Derby picked that place up), that’s over 2 per game on average, and their top scorer was on 10 goals from midfield. Barnsley’s squad in the database is so large it never loads the same, so I’ve shuffled some players out who left in the season (Davis, Beckett, Shirtliff) and had to sign 5 more (Ten Heuvel, Leese, Gregory, Perry and Rose).

1
[Oakwell, Barnsley, 1997]

Barnsley have some obvious flaws, as can be deduced from real-life; some terrible defenders and strikers who left their shooting boots…well, never found them! On a plus we have Fjortoft the full season. But to stick to reality, we’ll try and do this without any signings. Here’s the squad;

2

We arrange some relatively local warm-ups to get the squad match ready and experiment in a safe environment.

3

The ‘keepers are decent ratings wise and at the back Adi Moses is a potential wonderkid in the database with a -1, however, the more he plays, the more that big club release clause is at risk of coming back to haunt us. Redfearn should provide a solid base for the team and Fjortoft and Ten-Heuvel should be able to muster at least 10-15 goals each. Other than that, the squad is certainly more chaff and less wheat. We’re reet up against it.

4

12,000 of t’ Barnsley folk watched that absolute drivel…we are in for a long old season. Ten-Heuvel a stand out player, burying both the chances he was given.

5

The way pre-season has gone, I might have to bring back those motivational pre-match farting contests from the coaching manual of Danny Wilson…

The opening day arrives at Oakwell, the fans are in fine voice, somehow, we’ve joined the big time. Man Utd are the opponents. Tony Bullock has a blinder in the sticks, and we go in only 0-1 down at half-time. The pressure soon tells, and a Sheringham master-class later we’re 19th.

6

It was going so well but then Upton funked us up…

7

Tinkler is still out with a broken wrist, but John “the joker” Hendrie is back from his bruised ribs…either way our obvious flaws in defence are a nightmare. Rock bottom.

8

The star man has us off the mark with a hattrick and we’re on our way. Exceptional performances all-round the park.

Reality Check: At this stage, the real Barnsley had scored two, conceded 8, but still had 3 points on the board (and had also been beaten at Upton Park)

9

It all comes together at the Palace as the man from Leek Town in the sticks plays a blinder and the strikers have their day in the sun.

10

Madar takes a dive and the lino gives it…a quick-fire double sinks us as Ten-Heuvel and Fjortoft miss some golden opportunities. The man from Leek Town takes the MoM award again.

11

With Ten-Heuvel on U21 duty, and Liddell stretchered off after 34 minutes, Ashley Ward comes on and makes the assist for both goals, he will keep his place.

The wolves are already circling for Moses as we try to keep him in our basket…meanwhile, Chelsea are just too good despite Bullock putting his buttock on the line for us. Ward has a stinker.

12

A feisty Yorkshire derby at Oakwell, and, after taking the lead, we soon make it too hard for ourselves. Although, the score line only reflects the number of chances we threw away…

13

14

BATTLE OF THE NORWEGIANS: We finally managed a draw. Initially thought we’d won when Ten-Heuvel had the ball in the net but the man from VAR he say no.

A royal relegation rumble at Oakwell; battle of roses, the bang below averages. WE ARE PREMIER LEAGUE SAY WE ARE PREMIER LEAGUE. We turn in an accomplished performance, Bolton don’t get a sniff. A fantastic end to September.

15

Reality Check: At this stage, the real Barnsley had won two and lost 8, and were rock bottom in 20th place having scored 7 and conceded 23. As similarities go, there were wins over Bolton and Palace.

16

Our reality is much more comforting (so far).

A 5-2 aggregate win in the Coca-Cola Cup see’s us into the third round with a home tie against Sheffield Utd. I thought about giving Hristov a game, but he’s got about as much chance as scoring a goal as he does getting a girlfriend in Barnsley…

Somebody sang that it only takes one match, but in this case it only took Wanchope, as Derby put us to the sword.

17

Mind you, I’m not having as hard a time as some, eh Glen…

18

We muster a point against a villain’s side containing Zetterberg and Novotny and the board deem it a very good result.

19

The boy “don” good. Selhurst Park is an enjoyable place to go this season!

Oh my. We make it to the end of October in style. We were battered by the storm but the man from Leek Town got another MoM.

20

I could do without the added pressure on my massive squad full of awful players but…we scrape through.

21

Reality Check: by the end of October the real Barnsley had won 3, drawn 1, and lost 10 sitting rock-bottom having scored 11 and conceded 40 having also crashed out the Coca-Cola Cup in the 3rd Round to Southampton

We are every much fighting for our survival in 9th place mostly thanks to Fjortoft’s 14 goals.

22

See you next time out when we’ll see if we can make it through the Christmas party period without any shenanigans, if Hristov can “score”, and whether the motivational pre-match farting lasts a little bit longer.

You can follow Andrew on Twitter @KingOfTheRooks