The Retirement Academy – Part 27: The Most Electrifying Man in Blogging Entertainment

Good morning! Who’s ready for send of the season shenanigans? We’ve sort of recovered to 9th, but there’s a lot of work to do to get into Europe next season. Ajax and Inter await in the two cup quarter finals so the deck is stacked.

We begin our run-in, which amounts to almost half a season, away at MVV. We’re pretty poor but much like the Ajax match that finished the previous update, they get a man dismissed and we strike twice in a minute late on to steal the win.

That’s followed up with a shockingly competent display at Volendam. Rombouts might be the future.

If not him then Theo Pounder. It’s another late show as we turn 0 in to 3 points against Willem II.

If things had been good, the trip Rotterdam to face Feyenoord is not enticing. They’re the form team in the country, if not Europe, so naturally we’re 2-0 down inside 5 minutes. Pounder briefly restores hope but it’s soon extinguished. We get away with 4.

Cup quarter final time now and Ajax…well a Belgian man named Goosens puts us the sword. The Micker did equalise but we’re out. There’ll be no more Pints.

The next leg of the gauntlet sees us face 3rd place Roda and despite a brave effort, we lose 3-2. Castillo can’t retire soon enough.

I’m switching formations for the Inter game. We need to go back to basics.

Wow it works. The Micker and Pounder give us a 2-0 lead and Bento knacks Ronaldo, so he’ll miss the return leg. The ultimate turn of events.

We struggle to a draw at Telstar and I think that’ll end the 4-2-3-1 experiment as I want to get Rombouts back in the team.

Back to this…

The results are immediate as Utrecht are swatted aside. Look at Romby go.

Off to Milan then to defend our 2 goal lead and captain Electricity is dismissed after 8 minutes. That would be a problem but Theodore and Romby laugh in the face of danger. Rudy Rudy Rudy makes it 3, the ultimate insult. I said we needed a miracle but this was very easy.

Dear God, Monaco. Somebody confiscate the Micker’s cards.

Their squad isn’t what it once was, to be fair.

The tide is definitely turning as we win 1-0 at Vitesse, a rarely achieved feat. Lovely Theo can even take penalties.

The Monaco game comes around quick and we’re 2-1 up after 11 minutes. Crikey. Rombo makes it 3-1 but Hipp reduces the arrears to 3-2 and gives us a lot to think about in Monaco.

It’s deadline day in England and Arsenal decide to ruin things for us by buying Theo Pounder. He has a big club release clause so even if I wasn’t bound by my own rules, I couldn’t reject it anyway. The tribunal gives us £2m.

Life after Pounder begins with a 2-1 win over Den Haag. The skipper is sent off again. It’s tiresome.

Fortuna Sittard are batted aside. It’s all working for us.

Off we go to the tax free haven of Monaco and we’ve got our minds on the casino when the Micker makes it 2-0 on the night. A quick fire double after half time puts the game on a knife edge but Goldmember seals the tie. We’re in the final again!

Remarkably we’ll play Cologne again in a repeat of last year’s final.

Two days later and we go to Groningen and pick up a handy 3 points, despite Gullit junior’s red card.

The schedule is brutal. Two days later we face our old rivals Sparta and Tony Adams regen Darren Thorn sneaks us the win. What a run we’re on, we’re up to 5th!

Oh I had to jinx it. Defeat at NAC puts a pin the balloon.

AZ score and immediately go down to 10 men. Despite having 75 minutes to score twice against 10 men we just about manage 1. A point is probably not enough.

Indeed it means we finish 6th rather than 5th. Winning the CWC is now vital.

The final is in Germany, which seems a bit of a disadvantage. We laugh in the face of disadvantage though and Rombo scores twice with Degryse adding a third. They get one back but it’s matterless. We have defended the cup!

Is it a shock if it happens in consecutive years?

Meanwhile, Feyenoord won the Champions League.

And the Pints Cup. Their fortunes have improved dramatically since being relegated and appointing Cruyff.

Betterton gets called up for England’s World Cup squad. Spoiler: Croatia win the World Cup in England.

There’s just time to ship one out before the season ends as Pim Stroeve departs.

Rombouts is the golden boot winner. He’s worth £6m and I just hope nobody bids for him. Ever. Let’s look at some retirements

Rudy was great when he came into the side for the run-in, he will be missed.

Danny Blind less so.

That’s your lot for another season here. We did an odd double – the Super Cup and the Cup Winners Cup. We’ll have the chance to defend both next season but can we try and get ourselves in that title picture? A good start is needed.

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