David Batty Player Manager

After the madness that was the 2002 World Cup, I’m not really sure I’ll ever recover. Be that as it may though, we’ve got a season to get on with so let’s do just that.

Everton are the reigning champions but Man Utd aren’t happy about it and want their title back. So it becomes a sign-off

Owen to Man UtdNice and controversial. Everton go one better…

gottskalksson to evertonYes it’s the famous Icelandic DM/FC who is always amazing as a re-gen. Lucky Everton.

mark jones to man utdMan Utd sign England’s best forward. So…

ricardinho to evertonEverton bring in a Brazilian international to run the midfield. How bloody good was Celtic’s team!? Anyway, Everton aren’t done and want the honourable JC

JC to EvertonAt this rate, Everton are going to be very good for a long time.

Barcelona clearly getting nervous

maurice to barcaWhilst Real Madrid need counselling

abel xavier to RMThe season starts with the Charity Shield as always and it’s first blood Everton.

CS 02Yes, all that talent and Christian Dailly is captain.

Some movements on the continent

inter manager resignsWhat’s Italian for merry go round?

ancelotti to interEnough of that, Auxerre are busy too

gislason to auxerre anderson to auxerreFor real madness though, I’ll stick close to home

ince resignsWell, I know you’re all wondering, “Who can possibly replace Paul Ince?” and of course the answer is, absolutely anybody with a pulse. Even David Batty

batty newcastle managerThat could be fun. They’re 23rd in Division 1 as it stands.

At nearby Darlington, goals are short so I’ve gone mental and signed plenty of players.

eadie signs jimmy signs lampard signsPreviously, this would have bankrupted us but in the modern day, we’ve doubled the size of Feethams

ground increaseSo we can afford 11 Darren Eadie’s. Or maybe half a dozen at least. Our form is chequered but we’ve saved our best for the League Cup

LC 4th round resultsWe’re in the last 8! Of the pointless cup. But still, we’ve got the champions in the Quarters

LC QF 02The league form is not quite as good, but I’m aiming for 12th-15th, so maybe things will be ok.

prem top nov 02Gerry Francis battling Brian Little at the top of the table, these are great days to be a manager. Man Utd and Everton’s big spending has them in the mix but a little bit back in the field.

prem bottom nov 02Wimbledon have sacked Fashanu, which is disgusting. After all he’s done for them, and Galdiators, it’s a disgrace. I’ve also ruined Man City with that FA Cup semi final defeat, hopefully they remain broken.

So as we enter the bleak winter months, Darlington will need to improve on their paltry 9 league goals. Hasselbaink has been terrible incidentally. Join us next time to see if Gerry Francis really can win a league title, becoming the first mullet to win the Premier League.

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